This month I wanted to refocus and create for myself a schedule I could easily follow that pushed me towards certain goals. I wanted to write it as a weekly planner and just follow easy focus steps without feeling like an overwhelmed momma. So I used my friendly neighbor ChatGPT to help me come up with a balanced schedule. I listed my goals (start an Etsy shop, reboot my blog, and lose some of the leftover weight while still allowing family time). This was honestly the best thing I've done; it created time stamps for me based on my commute, drop off to daycare and bedtime. Everyday I look at the main focus for that day of the week and sit my butt down to get to work when I need to. 

I really wanted to focus on more quality time with my son but not lose the overall goals I had for myself and for our future. I also wanted to stop feeling like a burned out mom constantly trying to catch up with whatever life was throwing at her that day. Doing this I've (clearly) started blogging again, opened an Etsy shop (still a work in progress), minimized my phone time (extra win), finished 3 books and somehow I've had leftover time that I've filled with church groups/events. I haven't felt this focused and motivated since probably covid times...

Now let's be honest, just cause I'm in a pure joy and peaceful stage does not mean everything goes according to plan all the time. Nor does it mean I'm always happy go getter...this is a daily push and journey for me to stay focused. But even through the good there's still the personal challenges I have and if I'm honest as a lot of things fall more into place in my life, the more those "flaws" make their appearance. One of the things I've noticed is the emotions that tend to sneak up on me when I'm triggered by something, in many cases it's usually something surrounding co-parenting or just being a single mom. While I make it a point to not turn myself into a victim on this journey, there are those moments when baby daddy is in a mood, or Sebastian is in his mood, or others emotional baggage starts to pile up and I have just reached my limit. That limit usually comes out in some angry outburst...whether in the car using language I'm not proud of, losing my cool on my son (that just leaves me feeling worse) or just being in a very noticeable grumpy mood at work (if you've known me long enough...you've seen this look). 

But when those moments rise up I apologize to whoever needs the apology and I take that time to mentally shut off anything else and just sit with it. I go for a walk, I cuddle on the couch with my son while watching a fun documentary or movie, I read or lately I've been working on designs for the shop. Anything that gets me out of my head and allows me to breathe through it. I have also notice that my son watches me, he watches how I react, how I handle whatever is stressing me out (DUH). So those moments of outbursts with him are not my proudest moments. But I'm learning to use the tools I'm trying to teach him, which is when I feel those emotions start to come up, stop, close my eyes and just focus on my breathing. Today I did just that in a moment I felt me reaching my limit and when I opened my eyes my son was breathing along with me and doing that hand movements...proud momma moment there!

My biggest proudest win this month is lowering my phone time. Even without going on social media I still find myself scrolling on youtube, googling random things...it's crazy the amount of time you can spend on your phone even when you're not active on Instagram or Tik Tok...like what am I even doing?? Last Saturday I decided to turn off my phone for most of the day and by the time I went to bed I had only spend 3 hours overall on the phone (most of it using GPS). 

I purchased a small treadmill to avoid the excuse of not running or walking since I'm working out in the mornings before work. I love me a good run and really hate when I feel like I have to pick between a run and time with Sebastian. So while he sleeps I take some time to run and work up a sweat before getting ready for work. 

My main goal is to remain focused for the rest of the month and into May, which I do feel is possible with the schedule I've set up. My other goal is to step out more into other things. The last couple weeks I've really started to get more involved in church. I signed up for a small group class which meant getting a sitter ( a new mom journey), I've signed up for volunteer needs and have made it a point to find events in town or nearby that I can go to with or without Sebastian. Stepping out has really made me feel more at home in Texas lately (not that I was planning on making anywhere else home). But even just stepping out more in church events feels as if I'm setting roots down, and maybe that's why I feel so at peace and ready for the future. 

I say this all the time, but Texas is the first real place I've ever felt at home. If you knew me before mom life you know I was constantly traveling or moving. While I love traveling I do feel like I was always searching for a place that everyone talks about, the place that feels home where you could set roots, build a home and a family. And while I knew that Texas has been that place for me, it's not til recently that I've made it a point to find community, set a foundation for our future and really dive back into my relationship with Christ. Through all that it feels as if my roots slowly started to expand and truly make their home here. It's a beautiful feeling to know I'm expanding, as if God has plucked me out and placed me in a bigger pot to begin growing even more. So I will continue to grow my roots, step out more and really build my community here, not only for myself but also for my son.

April hasn't been about doing everything perfectly. It's been about continuing to show up every day, even when I don't feel like it. It's about trusting and believing that the small, consistent choices I'm making are building something bigger. Even now through some of the most miniscule decisions I can see the difference it makes in our day to day life. I can see our future being built and the more I stay focused and active in those choices, the more I remain hopeful and sure that everything I've been dreaming about is on its way. I can see now that as I remain more faithful and on the path that Jesus is leading me on that things are starting to shift. Yes, there are moments I find myself distracted, but I realign, pray and get back on it. April showers truly feels as if May flowers are just around the corner.