I have a 3 year old toddler boy...have you met one of those lately? Interacted with them on a daily? Witnessed their capacity for emotional regulation...which is NONE! If you're not a parent I can confidently say you probably haven't witnessed it the way parents do. You see the random tantrums out in public or the small outbursts when one of them comes to visit. You think 'Oh terrible twos (or threes or fours...seriously when does it stop)'. Here's the thing, toddlers clearly can only hold so much in their little bodies, those outbursts can become a daily thing. Before you know it you'll have the school calling you that he's pulled this kid's hair, scratched that kid's face or you come home and a switch goes off and they've taken you down.

No? Just me? 

I have a 3 year old boy who is feeling a lot all the time and he's looking to me and his dad to teach him what to do with all these feelings. He's looking to us to figure out what the proper reaction to anger, sadness or tiredness is. But here's the thing no one tells you, you're  still figuring it all out yourself... 

In the last year I have learned outlets and routines that help my son be his best and learn what are some ways to deal with whatever emotions he's feeling at the moment. And guess what! I'm learning right along with him! I started to realize that momma needed to implement those same habits and outlets into her routine as well. 

If you know me, you know I live for the outdoors. Hiking, running, walking, road-tripping, going to the beach...you name it, if it requires me to step outdoors and breathe in some fresh air, I'm there. I walked and hiked miles pregnant and the moment my doctor gave me the ok post-partum, I was out with my little one on my carrier. I am proof that spending time outside is the best thing for one's mental health. I've incorporated that into my life with a toddler, my son loves the outdoors just as much as me...sometimes even more. So when it came to those times we didn't take a walk outside or let the Sun hit our skin, I started to notice his behavior would also change. The cabin fever seeps in quickly on a three year old and it is not fun being on the receiving end of whatever they're going through. 

So I have made it a point to add outside time to our daily routine. He gets double the time with daycare activities, but even spending time on our patio seems to make a huge difference. Something so simple has such a big impact on both of us. The fresh air resets us; it slows us down to be more present and also enjoy the smallest things. He loves to people watch, car watch, plane watch...and I love the quietness, the sunshine and seeing the world through his eyes. Being outside doesn't have to be something big or planned, it's as simple as setting up a coloring station and being in your yard or porch...that alone makes a difference on us both. 

This has been the biggest thing for us! Sebastian and I both are highly emotional beings...we feel EVERYTHING. So the angry outbursts, the physical expressions of frustration, I knew I needed to do something that would distract and calm. We didn't plan to start breathing exercises. Slowly his dad and I would just start holding his arms and repeating the words breathe, until he calmed down. I then started taking it forward and showed him how to do the breathes, using my hands as a guide for him. This allowed him to pause for a moment and start copying. 

Recently this has become an even bigger part of regulating our emotions because I realized through my shameful mom outbursts I too needed an outlet. I had a realization that how can I expect my son to revert back to this exercise if he doesn't seem me doing it when I myself feel all the emotions he feels. So when I feel the overwhelming emotions rising, I pause and start taking deep in and out breathes. The most beautiful thing happened last week where he saw mom doing it to calm herself down, so he started doing it with me. And just like that the emotions went away and we were able to complete the task at hand. 

Now is it always perfect? Absolutely not! But it's a start, we're both learning to slow down instead of reacting; learning to pause before jumping onto whatever emotional wagon hits us. Kids learn from seeing and I want to be that example, to break the emotional outbursts that seems to have passed down from generations. I don't know if this is him teaching me or me teaching him, but it's a beautiful thing knowing we're learning together and understanding emotions don't always need a reaction.

Third thing I always add to our time together is doing something with our hands. We have baking, cleaning up, painting...whatever can get us messy and using our hands works. It's the outlet you probably think of less and less, but I promise it works. While my only source of social media lately has been YouTube, I'm sure all the other medias are showing it too...the re-discovery of analog hobbies.  Two Christmases ago my parents gifted me a mixer and that has been the number one hobby we use on a weekly basis. You'll find us making waffles, cookies, cake, bread...if it requires mixing my son is right there with me helping me along. Yes, it's messier having a toddler pour everything in, but honestly it's so much more fun. 

I didn't always enjoy baking, but having a mini-me join on the fun and, again, seeing it through his eyes just makes it so worthwhile. Sebastian will pour everything I hand him, he has learned to roll dough out, he's been a taster. Are we completely drenched in flour and whatever other ingredient was added in? 100% But it's such a nice outlet that takes up so much time you barely realize it when you're in the midst of it. Most of the time I've kept my child occupied for over an hour and it was just allowing him to be a part of whatever it was I was doing. And if we're not baking, we're painting...my patio floor right now has all sorts of colorful painting on it (all washable of course). He gets messy, he enjoys it and we're making memories. Honestly, it's revied the love of drawing and coloring in my again...the child coming back out!

Something I learned early on after having my son is motherhood is already overwhelming enough, so my environment needed to be as calm and peaceful as possible. So I would have music playing in the background, then I realized that even that was giving me anxiety so I hopped on the Lofi train and I haven't looked back since. You'll find my TV on most days with just a Lofi playlist  playing with a nice cafe screen or woodsy area. Lately we've also just added in any type of classical soft music that creates a homey feel. This was the best decision I made, not only for me, but for creating a calm environment for an energetic toddler.

Most days after daycare pick up I will put on the soft music while we hang out on the patio or just play in the living room or read books. This past week I've started to have one day of just silence, no background noise, just the sound of a little boy playing and laughing and his mom keeping up with him. I didn't realize what a difference even that made. We're just so used to noise all the time as a society, I think we've forgotten how to embrace the silence. It's such a beautiful and calming experience, I recommend you all start trying it. 

This habit has helped both of us get into the slowdown of the evening and has been such a saver for my son to start his bedtime routine. Instead of watching some hyper active cartoon or movie, having the music or silence in the background seems to ease his mind and easily jump right into bed the moment I call it. And since I've made bedtime earlier in this household, it's helped so much!

This honestly should have been the first thing I included into our habits, but as per usual the things we should be doing end up being forgotten until we have no other solution. Of course I pray on my own time and during my devotionals; but I hadn't really included Sebastian in prayer time until a few weeks ago. I came to the realization that I wanted him to learn to pray but also to know that prayer can heal and help with everything we're feeling. So every night we put our hands together and he repeats after me the prayer I say...with him on occasion leading whatever beautiful thing comes out of his mouth. It is the most precious thing I've witnessed and brings so much joy in my heart because there will now be random moments when he just decides to say a prayer on his own. 

I have also added in prayers to our morning drive to school. Repeating a few affirmations or positive words and ending it with a prayer seems to set him up for success. It's as if he's understanding the words he's repeating and starting the day believing it's already going to be so much fun. A few of things we'll say (in spanish) : Today is going to be a good day, we will be nice to our friends, we will be nice to our teachers, we will not hit our friends, when we get angry we will breathe. From there we begin our (in spanish) Father God prayers. 

One thing I have noticed is a change in myself as well. Doing the nightly prayers with him reminds me to add in my own prayers and keep Christ at the forefront. Saying our morning prayers together also starts my day off right and sets Jesus as the first thing for the morning before starting work. It reminds me to let Him lead and I love that my son gets to see and learn this too! Through this we're inviting God into our spiritual home and giving Him our emotions. We're letting Him lead us in how to regulate and learning to let go of it because God's got it.

Isn't it amazing how no matter how old we get we are still learning how to react, how to let go of the emotions rather than letting them lead us. I have been trying to learn this my entire life and I think I've learned more in the last year teaching my son than I have reading any self-help book. I've found my journey back to Christ has also been led through Sebastian, wanting him to have a foundation and know who Christ is. Children really are the most amazing teachers. I never expected to use the tools I gave him help me in my everyday life. These five key habits have been teaching me to slow down, to be patient (not my favorite topic) and allows me to be even more aware of my own emotions. 

It's not a perfect journey, but it's one all the same. Some days are easier than others, but the point is we continue to try and we continue to learn. I'm growing alongside my son, I'm learning how to lead rather than be led by whatever I'm feeling. I'm learning it's ok to not have it all figured out as a mom. I'm learning that the small, consistent moments and habits are what make the biggest difference. My son is looking at me to guide him, and I want to make sure that what I show is something I want him to emulate in his own life. So I encourage to try some of the habits with us, see what a difference they'll make in your life. Don't be afraid of the silence, let's go back to some of the old hobbies we used to love, go outside and take in the fresh air...SAY A PRAYER! 

This is so much more than just "managing our emotions" this is about building something deeper and setting a foundation that will last and not crack at the first whack this world takes at us and our kids. So take a breathe and try it out! Let me know how it goes.