As we get closer to the end of the year, I've been reflecting on all the changes in the last year, specifically from April to the present moment. April was the moment I finally made the changes that led me to where I am today. It was the moment I stood at a crossroads and understood that my life needed to change, for myself and my son. Once I knew my life needed to head in a different direction I made some choices that helped keep me on the path. I knew to maintain steady I had to adapt to new changes in my life. For me, these next five decisions/changes have kept me focused and strong in this new chapter. I hope reading this you can adapt some of these changes to your life and that they have the same impact they did me.

Decision Number 1

I allowed myself to dream again! Believe it or not, I had given up on a few dreams early in my twenties. Before "adulting" took over, my dream was to have a family. I didn't dream of the wedding every girl talks about, I dreamt about the kids, the husband, and the life we might one day build. Through relationships and life decisions, I had begun to believe I wasn't worthy of all that. That no one could love me, want me, or choose to build the family life I so dreamed of.
I knew though, that I now needed to hope in that again; to believe I was worthy of that life and that my son was too. Well, once I opened the door to hope and dreams again, everything else started taking off. I felt myself smiling more and knowing that somewhere down the line someone would choose me and my son. Someone would love us and build with us a life we both wanted. When you allow yourself to dream, the most beautiful things start happening!

Decision Number 2

I changed all my algorithms! Every day of our lives we are fed so many things via the internet, especially through social media. A lot of us forget that we are essentially telling Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook what to "feed" us. When we like pictures or reels, when we comment or share on our stories, we're telling them what to continue to place on our screens. Unfortunately, sometimes what may start as a harmless like, eventually turns into a deep dark hole you never intended to go down. I realized that everything social media kept showing me was nothing I truly valued, nor anything I wanted my life to look like. So I started unfollowing what wasn't for me and started following the accounts that would encourage and value the life I was looking for. I made sure, and still do, that if anything I didn't like or agree with came up I would intentionally click on the 'not interested' button to tell it I didn't care to see that again. Now when I scroll, I find myself seeing positive quotes, bible verses, and people living a life that is family-oriented and rooted in the things that I also value. This has led me to have a more positive life, it's allowed me to dream bigger rather than create a sense of feeling unfulfilled.

Decision Number 3

I stood firm on my boundaries. I knew if I was going to move in a better direction I needed to draw a line through certain relationships and certain habits that were no longer benefiting me. I became vocal in what my boundaries were and I stood firm in them. Now I won't lie to you, this was hard to maintain at first; there were moments I thought I should just erase the line. But I remained strong, knowing that if I didn't waver then the cord I had created to this person would never be cut. Some of my boundaries didn't make sense to many people, but I knew in my heart they were needed. After some time, I felt my attachment dissolve, and to be honest, it's still dissolving. But because I've stuck to my beliefs and boundaries, I allowed myself to move forward. I realized I had attached myself to someone who didn't hold the same values as me, someone who didn't value me and didn't have the intention of building with me. But I couldn't see any of that until I finally drew my lines in the sand and shut the doors to that. And in moving forward it allowed my hopes for the future to start growing. Sometimes we know what boundaries we need to set, but until we actually stick to them nothing in our lives will change for the better.

Decision Number 4

I focused on my journey only. As a single mom navigating the journey of co-parenting, it can be easy to fall into the trap of telling someone else how to parent. But I knew if I did that I would never maintain my own focus and move the needle of my life. Even now, I still work through this and many times I have to mentally tell myself to keep my eyes on my road. Everyone has to learn who they are and how to grow by going through their own life challenges. We grow by living our journey, rather than focusing on someone else's. I realized it was my job to learn how to be a single parent, without telling someone else how to be one. Co-parenting isn't the easiest thing, but it doesn't have to be the hardest thing. In focusing on me and my journey I have allowed God to do His thing. And by focusing on my own, they can grow and learn in their journey too.

Decision Number 5

The most important decision…I surrendered everything to Christ. When I had finally been told that the family I was working so hard to build and maintain was never going to happen, my heart was completely crushed. I knew at that moment I didn't have any strength left in me to continue on my own. When I finally cried all my tears, the only thing that came to mind so vividly was 'I cannot do this on my own'. So I closed my eyes and prayed to God saying 'I give it all to you. I've been doing it my way the last few years and I've been trying to keep control. But none of it has worked. I was overwhelmed, I was depressed, I was stressed and I knew those weren't the greatest foundations to be a good mom. So I told God moving forward I was going to let Him lead and I would follow. From that moment forward my life changed. My hope came alive again, my faith was restored and I knew He had my back no matter what came. I then knew wherever I and my son ended up, it would be where we belonged, where we would be loved, and it would be a hundred times better than anything I could imagine for us. Letting Jesus literally take the wheel of my life has allowed all the other changes I listed here to occur.

I know this is my journey and the decisions I made are what helped me start living a life benefiting me. Maybe some of these will help you, or maybe you have some different choices to make. I will say this…if you've been seeking some change, and wanting to dream again, staying where you are will never get you where you want to be. To have change in your life you need to change; you need action to occur and you need to start doing what needs to be done. It's not an easy journey, and they're never easy choices, but they are what you need. Once you start seeing the changes in your life, you'll know you made the right move.