“It’s okay to be scared and to have no clue what you’re doing. As long as you keep going. As long as you keep fighting. You are a living, breathing vision board and can change it daily with your thoughts to create the life you desire.”
Have you ever noticed that when you’re trying to change for the better, trying to break away from all the negative and the low things in your life…things tend to get worse before they get better?
You’re adding physical changes to motivate you, you’re pushing yourself to learn to be uncomfortable to get to where you want to go. You’re ‘faking it, til you’re making it’ so the environment around you doesn’t look so bad. But somehow, it all catches up to you.
I know I’m not alone in thinking all this, whether you’re in a similar chapter as mine (new single momma), or a slightly different one; I’m sure you understand what I’m saying. Why do you think that is? Is it cause we’re faking it? Is it cause we’re trying to add too many changes and our brain just goes on overload? Are we just doing too much? Or is it a little of everything?
Lately, I’ve been trying to push forward; and get excited about the future and its possibilities. I’ve been fighting through the negative thoughts and the disappointments. I’ve been pushing myself to be better mentally, physically and emotionally. And for a moment I thought I was in the clear…and then…good ole panic attack walks right on in unexpectedly…on the first day of the month.
As are most panic attacks, it was a very unexpected one, but it had me on the floor of my closet, crying to the silence around me. It came, it stayed…and then it left. In those moments of feeling everything all at once, I had these realizations come to my mind.
Number one, just because I am trying to better myself does not mean I need to fake it til I make it. I need to be in the moment and give myself permission to feel whatever it is I’m feeling. Number two, while there is nothing wrong with being excited about the future and preparing for it, I still need to live in the now. Spending all my time trying to plan and figure out what my life will look like in a few months or a year takes away from everything that’s happening right now in my life. I’m missing out on the small significant moments and adding unknown stresses to my life…because who can say if I’ll be where I think I’ll be?
Number three, I need community. No one can do life alone! It’s true, that we’re a very independent society now, but we were never intended to do life alone. And I don’t mean significant other, I mean interaction with other human beings. People that share the same values as you and are looking to connect. For me, I think I’ve spent the last year trying to figure out being a mom and my current situation, that I haven’t pushed myself to seek a community as much as I should. But it’s been tugging at my heart lately and I think it’s time I listen.
Those three realizations slowly calmed the intense beating of my heart and brought breath back into my lungs.
I know I’m not alone in going through some of the same feelings and thoughts, in fact, I can guarantee I’m not alone in it. Whatever chapter you’re going through, remember not to fake it! It’s ok to feel all the emotions and it’s ok to fear whatever is or isn’t coming in your life. But don’t let it stop you from enjoying your now. And if you find yourself in a moment like I did today, huddled on the floor trying to breathe your way out of something…just close your eyes and listen. You’ll have your moment of realization, and they’ll be the ones you need for whatever journey you’re currently on.
And once you know what they are, use them to bring yourself back out of it and get up. It came and it went, and now we can learn from it and keep fighting on. You are living your vision board, so don’t stress out about what the past looked like or what the future MAY look like. Change what you want to change and focus on what matters.
I don’t know if this post is for anyone…or maybe it was just for me to get out whatever needed to come out. Either way, breathe and enjoy your moment. Calm the voices in your head and wipe the tears from your eyes (after you’ve allowed them to fall for the moment you need them to).
Now let’s keep moving forward! 🙂
Simply Naty 